Category Archives: funny

Funny Status Messages

Looking for funny status messages for your facebook page, twitter or MySpace profiles, these can also be used for various messenges like windows live messenger (what was msn messenger) and yahoo messenger.

The one thing I have noticed since the start of the Social Media days, is the desire to come up with the best and unique status messages, not only to be seen to be funny and original but to also provoke interaction from your friends or contacts on your network.

The great thing about status messages, is that they reflect your mood, how happy or sad you are, whether you want to share information on the latest event you’ve been to, or you’re about to go to, you can even mention your new mobile phone or new car…

We have found some great funny status messages including some that we have come up with, let us know what you think…!

Funny Status Messages:

  • has CDO. It’s like OCD, except the letters are in alphabetical order…just like they should be!
  • I’m spending some quality time with my pillow…be back in the morning
  • I stopped trying to pick up random women when the majority of them started carrying pepper spray.
  • If you see me running, don’t be impressed. I have to take a s**t. Now, get out of my way…
  • I think I’ve finally gotten the hang of this whole “Posting without thinking” thing that everybody is doing.
  • If you do online dating it doesn’t mean you are desperate, it just means you are lazy.
  • Just asked my barber for a Justin Bieber haircut….bleedin’ twat just shaved my pubes off
  • If life gives you Lemons. Bring the salt I got Tequila!
  • People with High and Unnecessary Attitude Deserve the Standing Ovation of your Tallest Finger !!!
  • It’s true, you could say I’m Mr. Nobody. But you know… Nobody’s perfect!
  • I was alone in the house lying in bed last night, when I heard someone fart…I didn’t know whether to laugh or be scared…!
  • I don’t want to criticise the postal service but I’ve only just received a Christmas card from my nan…but she’s been dead 45 years ! :p
  • Every time I try to chase my dream, it turns around and sprays me in the eyes with mace ! :p
  • I can beat anybody in a fight with only one hand. It’s the two-handed blokes who beat the crap out of me ! :p
  • A girl asked me to get something that made her look sexy. You should have seen the look on her face when I came back with a case of beer.
  • I have a friend named Jay, I call him J for short
  • I’m not trying to impress anyone here, but…. I can swim without floaties
  • I refuse to go Bungee jumping. I came into this world because of a broken rubber. I refuse to go out because of one too.
  • Why do they kick you out of a bar for being drunk? I’ve never been thrown out of a restaurant for being full..
  • Oh damn, I’m on fire with all these postings!
  • Oh, she used a winky face.. she wants it.
  • I don’t remember much from last night but the fact that I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me it was awesome 😀
  • Facebook needs to change its “it’s complicated” status to “still banging my ex.”
  • FUN IN CHEMISTRY… If u drink ETHANOL (alcohol)… u will dance for others… If u drink METHANOL (poison) others will dance for u….
  • If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it – Now quiet, they’re about to announce the lottery numbers!
  • Best reason to give when you slap your friend: “I didn’t slap you, I simply high-fived your face” 😛
  • I fell in love yesterday! Later, I figure out that I was just hungry…
  • is so broke that he’s going to KFC to lick other peoples fingers
  • Lets be nice to each other from now on.. Huh?? Whadya say, Monday? Deal??
  • I may still be single but I know that I have saved a lot of money on a wedding and even more on the divorce.
  • I was disappointed when I went to ‘Wet and Wild’, …it’s a bleedin’ water park…!
  • My friend told me, “Smart men make great husbands!” Being the guy I am, I had to correct her, so I said “smart men don’t get married”
  • I just realized that I’m still “it” from a game of tag in 1994. OH IT IS ON!
  • Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a brothel for a hug..
  • Wonder what the process is for quality testing condoms and who gets to do it
  • Note to self : Remove dog before stabbing box to make air-holes ! :p
  • Just because you’re not sick doesn’t mean you’re healthy
  • Every man’s disease is his personal property
  • If you don’t take care of yourself, the undertaker will overtake that responsibility for you
  • To avoid sickness eat less; to prolong life worry less
  • My inner advisor is dying to heal me
  • it’s been a while since i stared at the stars….!
  • The future lies before you, like paths of pure white snow. Be careful how you tread it, for every step will show
  • Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather